i really dont understand …
why is it when i try to tell my parents how i really feel about things, it just seems like the message just cannot get across …
these few days has really been very stressful for me .. i am really not able to take the stress , and am not exaggerating, but everyday i trade and cry because i am so scared to lose even more money .. to some extent i can understand why people will really just commit suicide when they lost everything in the stock market.. because of the stress and demands of this job, at times i also do feel like jumping off the building and can just imagine the newspaper in a small coloumn that reported my death ..and maybe partly because of the reverse bang .. it keeps replaying in my head whenever i have to reverse out of the car park lot .. i have been a total wreck .. my complexion is bad , my hair is always in a mess .. my mood swings are crazy and yes i probably gave up on life and gave up on losing weight so i am putting on weight like crazy .. i dont sleep well – not that have been sleeping well the past year .. i would say this year is really the worse like worst than studying in terms of being able to sleep ..
its nearing the weekend and all i formally ask for is just to let me get 2 days off to collect myself together and then go back into trading again .. i told myself if i even end up losing my capital, its really the end for me and i will pack off and find something else..
recently, my dad has really been pushing me into like more learning about trading … in terms of like subscribing to some lame ass price feed shit that costs $800 and more and I have to pay for it when i dont even know how to use it and i dont even use it for my trading the last year … occasionally see charts here and there but its really not my trading style .. not that i want to boast but my mum has been trading without even knowing how to read charts for the past 30 years and even since she started .. and i HATE people pushing things to me .. it really has an adverse effect on me . and if the past few days hasnt been quite encouraging in me disliking this stupid job …
i just want a break away from all these and really just learn my jap properly .. it is really getting harder for me and sometimes a little difficult to catch up in class whatever is going on .. i really want to master this, at least it will boost me in my self esteem and finally its something that I want to learn and that I am able to finish it throughout .. or at least just relax a little and just get myself together …
i told my mum and she did allow me .. i did tell her i had plans to quit because i was going to further my studies .. she told me to talk to my dad.. and he just totally i dont know wth is his problem ..i asked him for just a break .. NOoooooooo …. because i am supposed to “mechanise my way of trading and overcome my emotions” … we are humans for crying out loud .. what differentiates us from humans and animals is that, we have emotions .. in doing that means i have to change my whole life and character just to suit a job that i dont even pride myself in .. i told him my losses and he gave me quite a demeaning look ..i told my mum my losses and she said i can get it back again .. whyy the difference i dont understand .. ..
sometimes i really wonder whether they really understand .. i just want a break from this ..they keep on saying that i have the luxury to do whatever i wanted and that how i didnt have to worry about putting bread on the table .. this i know i am grateful for, but i dont understand if thats the case, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET ME JUST TAKE 2 days break seriously .. its just 2 days its not like i enternally am not going to work or what .. and why can’t they just realise that for me to even say it, and ask them it already mean i am reaching my limit of tolerance since i dont talk much about the problems that i face .. i just dont understand at all ….
i just want a 2 day break from this is it too much to ask? and in me telling you i cannot handle the stress, you dont even provide or tell me ways to kope with it but just throw me even further into it .. thanks man .. really thanks ..
i already feel like worthless and just a zombie-fied life .. yes i got no passion in this job i already know .. and passion is not something you can develop overnight thanks … and if passion means to not able to draw a line between your work and personal life, no thanks .. if i ever get a family, i will make it a point to get to know them as they are more important that making money .. and just that precious amount of time that we all get together to be spent talking about work .. as the years roll on, family becomes strangers to the extent we just dont know what each other is doing.. or dinner just gets awakward with no topics to talk about .. nothing but work that only you and only you can understand .. no thanks i dont want that kind of life .. so to Miss Yong in the furture that reads this and laughs her head off, please remember you said before that family is always more important than the market and if you have kids that require you to be there for them, please get your priorities right .. money can always be made but family time lost is gone forever OK FUTURE MISS YONG .. good ..
