i feel like a schizophrenic
its as if my life is back to when i am 17 for a while, where i am once again bounded by ground house rules that should apply to a 17 year old (and mind you i am coming to be a quarter of a century) and having to plan my days around mood swings, living up to my ‘pang seh’ queen status
and then at times i am expected to be a matured adult that can live the life of a 17 year old and measure up to ‘ the most obedient’ and ‘matured’ out of my siblings
how is that even possible? I feel like i am getting crazier by the min and i am irritated that i cannot give that confirmation on how my days can continue to turn out to be
and then more drama packs along, top it up with the ultimate triumph card, tears, and then nothing changes because everything will be what it is all over again after a few more days
it just feels like if i plan things for myself, like its such a guilty and selfish indulgence
its like i have a life and yet i dont
my life is like dictated with mood swings, behavioural expectations of my sister, ..
if you have to tell her, just open your mouth to tell her?
lets out a sigh …
on a happier note,
went for zhang hui mei’s concert .. shes really a true diva that despite all these years of singing her songs, she still feels and believes in what she sings . i especially like how she insist that in every album that she releases, that she has at least one emo song in hope to tide people through their hard times, or even be like a song that they can sing and rant out their feelings …
at that moment i felt that if the world ended, i think i would die a happy moment, at least i experienced hearing her sing live … 
speak your mind